Changing a nappy is a constant adventure when you have a baby, What will it be this time? How many will I go through today? You constantly track your babies bowl movements, if he’s done a poo you wish he hadn’t and when he hasn’t done one you wish he would!
With all babies you must be quick while changing that nappy as the hose could go off at any moment! Imagine, your happily changing their bum, you look away to grab the wipe, look back and there they are, weeing freely all over themselves, their vest and their clothes…Joy of joys you need to strip them down and adjourn a fresh set of clothes much to his displeasure.
Even worse is when they start to wee and your super fast reflexes push the nappy back on in hopes that you catch the wee. But after all your cleverness and congratulating yourself on doing a first rate job, you take the nappy off only to find that it has trickled up and around his leg and down onto the side of his vest.
Night in the life
So, little bear has had his bath, been placed into a lovely, cosy onesie, been fed, read to and has pooped off to sleep for a few hours. Fast forward to 1am when he wakes for a night feed. He’s squirming in the cot but not crying so surely not hungry yet? You fix his bottle and go to pick up the wiggly worm and oh god…He’s leaked through and there’s wee all up his back. His vest and onesie are soaked so naturally you zoom him over to the changing table, grab a fresh set and get to work undoing all the poppers and adding the wet clothes to the laundry pile.
With a new sheet for the cot and him bring fed and placed back down, you resume your sleeping position and drift off again. What feels to you like not five minutes later, he’s there again, hungry and awake as ever. Up you get to retrieve him and what the f**k? He’s leaked through again! You’ve got to be joking? Is it the nappies? Are they too loose? Did you make sure his todge was pointing down? Yet again, baby bear has to wait for his milk while you sleepily undo his clothes and pull out the third clean set of pyjamas that night.
Going back to sleep, (unless he’s up for his morning telly), your mind races about how much laundry there is to do tomorrow, what with his soiled vests, Hubby’s work gear and your general XL clothing
Good morning poop!
Waking up to the smell of a dirty nappy is one thing, but putting him in a fresh nappy to then hear him straining and pooing is another.
He’s been up for a while so maybe he needs his morning nap? You gently carry him upstairs and lay him on the changing mat so he has a fresh nappy to sleep in. Then, after giving him a bottle to settle his tummy, you go to burp him so the gas doesn’t wake him after twenty minutes and you hear that utmost distressing noise which all mothers fear.
Back to the changing mat we go but you wait a few minutes before unveiling the soiled nappy. Staring at you happily while he strains and fills his nappy, you hope to God it’s not as bad as you think. But oh no, it’s much, much worse.
You gather more wipes than you need, a fresh nappy and a nappy sack because the smell is stomach-churning and prepare to tackle this monster. And as you open the nappy you think to yourself ‘oh it’s not that bad’ but wait for it….
Going to lift up your little critters legs to release the pooey nappy, it dawns on you that the poo has gone further up than you had wanted. It’s never ending! Your soul shatters as the poor baby looks up at you helplessly and as if it wasn’t bad enough he starts to pee…up his top. But it’s fine. You’re calm. Let’s get on with it.
Grabbing fresh clothes, you pulls his top down over him first then the s**t stained vest. Trying to not get poo everywhere you try to wipe as much up as possible but sadly it’s a two person job and you drag Hubby out of bed. You hold the infant while he tackles the rest on his back and making sure the changing mat is now mess free, you place him back down to start re-dressing him.
The look of innocence on your child is enough to forget how bad it actually was and finally it’s now nap time, for you and him after all the morning excitement. It’s a good job you have an abundance of vests because it is going nowhere near the washing machine!
Share your horrific baby stories below in the comments!