We’ve all heard of postpartum depression but before having your bundle of joy you never knew there was even such a thing as the ‘baby blues’.
This period of time, where all your hormones are on edge, can last anywhere from 2 weeks to a month. As to be expected they first started after giving birth, you’ve been left in a room with this strange new human with absolutely no idea what to do with them. All you can do is stare at them and hope to God nothing happens to them under your watchful eye.
The first to kick in is the tears and feeling of loneliness. Hubby’s gone home for some much needed rest and the midwifes are busy doing their change over with it being 7am. You’ve been shown nothing except in the antenatal classes which included how to bathe them and change their nappy but you feel like if you move they will break.
With this being your first child you haven’t a clue about feeding, you expect them to just wake up and cry when they are hungry but he doesn’t wake for what seems like hours. When the midwife finally comes to check on you she asks if you have fed your baby yet, and when your response is no she looks at you like you should know what you’re doing and tells you that in order to feed him you will sometimes have to wake him up. This obviously makes you feel like a failure and then you panic thinking that he’s starving to death on his first day of life.
When left alone again you stare at the poor helpless baby in his cot and wonder how on Earth you’re going to look after him, you know nothing about babies. Already feeling like a train wreck from giving birth, you now feel stupid, helpless, tired, overwhelmed and paranoid that if you look away even for a second something drastic may happen.
Fast forward to coming home. You’ve had no sleep, you daren’t look away, you think if you put him down he will wake up (which is usually the case), and you and Hubby take it in turns to hold him while the other eats.
When being told to go to bed you can’t help but stare in to your beautiful boys face and the happy tears begin to flood, scaring the life out of your partner who has no idea why you’re crying while you mumble something along the lines of ‘he’s just so small and precious’ ‘I don’t want to leave him’. He of course thinks you’re crazy but nobody can understand what you’re feeling.
Nothing you do is good enough, you feel like the world’s worst mother and you can’t control your emotions. One minute you’re happy, the next you spill a bit of milk and have a breakdown. Even after 3 months, some days you still can’t help feeling useless when you don’t understand what he wants and he won’t stop crying.
Any other new mothers had this experience? Leave your comments below.